Filed under: 1 | Tags: 1989 June 4, 64, 自由, 鎮壓, 血腥, June 4th, tiananmen massacre, VIIV, 八九, 六四, 共產黨 暴力, 劉卓輝, 北京學運, 夏韶聲, 天安門, 媽媽我沒有做錯, 林慕德, 民運, 民主, 中共, 中國
Yes, it happen eros ago. The catch phase is, it did happen.
I had a ritual, every year I will go on you tube and Wiki and go through all of video and information avalible, try to understand. It happen when I was ten. I was in elementary school, don’t know much about anything..curious about boys, starting to get into books (got my 1st set of novels from my uncle), ten is a such a magic age. You are in grade 5, you wake up, go to school, do your homework, play with your brother and sister or friends. Cartoon and kids show is what you watch or prefer to shown to you on TV, news and magazine program are suppose to be for grown up only. All the worries and troubles in the world are not suppose to touch you. When you are ten, you are innocent and invincible.
I remember on the night of June 4th, my dad woke me and my sister up. Told us that the tanks and troops had went in to the square, I was not sure if I was suppose to be scare, or sad. I vividly remember seeing my father and mother cried for the first time when they were watching the account of the HK journalist, I remember wearing the piece of black cloth on my arm, something that I had put on a year back when one of my old auntie had passed away. I don’t get most of what was going on at the time. None the less, it changed my life. My parent decided to move to a different country, like most of the middle class family at Hong Kong at the time. I got sent to UK right after, they looked into several different countries and settle on Canada. The rest of my life had took a different course. I met No.1 Fan in Canada, and together throught the blessing of the Lord we join our life together. We had two beautiful childern. The rest is history.
I did not fully gasp the importance when I was Ten, I still have not. I am now 30 years old, I am a mother and this much I am sure; I sadden with the mother who lost their children, who are still living under the watchful eyes, who’s right to grieve have been strip from them. What a world we live in when a mother lost her child but are not allow to grieve, some had not seen their child for 20 years because they had been exiled; while others are still not sure about their child fate after all these years.
When I was reading the paper on line and going through the you tube video today, no.1 fan asked me what is the point of all of these if all it does is bring sorrow and tears. I didn’t reply him, just told him that it was alright, I do this every year. Cry is a good emotion outlet, it’s good for the soul. June 4, there are still lots that I don’t understand, but it doesn’t mean I will forget the raw emotions. I can still feel the raw energy surrounding me while I was sitting in the little corner of Victory Park the day after. It was organic, silent teardrops and apathy appear on people faces. It was such a powerful thing to a ten years old girl, whose childish day are over on that day.
We won’t close our eyes and for sure, I won’t let them fade away.
Filed under: 1
I LOVE the baby sitter cushion thing…in fact, I blame partly on my unsuccessful breast feeding trial run with Aidan on the fact that Burnaby hospital told me, “stuffing pillows around yourself to make a fort so you don’t get shoulder pain”…I mean, if you want me to sit up right on a chair that is higher, with arm rest…and want me to stuffed enough pillows between me and the baby in order for me to not tilted over….you had got to teach me how on earth was I suppose to arrange and tug those pillows by my wonderful self…with the infant on my lap…crying.
My friend Anna got me this sitter pillow when Aidan was born, which I regard didn’t put into good use last time (except for propping up Aidan during photo shoot) since I had to cancel my breast feeding tour while battling postnatal depression (as per doctor’s order). Don was lovely, he latch on with in an hour since he was born (Big thanks for Carolyn in the birthing unit). Although I did over done it and strain my shoulder on the 2nd day, I can say that I am pretty successful. I still do supplement, because Don has not gain back his birth weight.
It had dawn on me that I will have to get Randi’s wedding photos out asap..because I have another job coming next week…hence the multi-tasking. I took this photos because I think in the midst of breast feeding, photo editing and also eating and feeding Aidan…I found peace.
Filed under: 1
I FORGOT how much this hurt…ok, I remember it being difficult the last time around…I dragged on the fact that I had to stay in Burnaby hospital for 5 nights when I had the emergency c-section. This time around the nurse (most anyway) were awesome, and they had assign a nursing student to each c-section mom for practices which is pretty awesome because they focus solely on you.
We stay for a totally 48 hours before we were released, but I honestly had forgotten how much it hurts afterward. I remember the labor with Aidan was intense (me continues to pass out in between contractions, and apparently had ripped off the mattress at least twice while No.1 fan was talking on the phone…not holding my hands). This time I only used laughing gas…and the breath out twice, breath in once method.
After the hospital stay…I think I pull something inside. The incision site looks fine, but above the incision area, hurt like you put salt on your wound. That and the lack of sleep…
So, this is how much pills I need to take every 4 hours…4 pain killers, one anti-biotic. I always mixed up when I did took what, so now I have to write it down on Don’s peepee poo poo sheet as well….
Filed under: 1
I FORGOT how much this hurt…ok, I remember it being difficult the last time around…I dragged on the fact that I had to stay in Burnaby hospital for 5 nights when I had the emergency c-section. This time around the nurse (most anyway) were awesome, and they had assign a nursing student to each c-section mom for practices which is pretty awesome because they focus solely on you.
We stay for a totally 48 hours before we were released, but I honestly had forgotten how much it hurts afterward. I remember the labor with Aidan was intense (me continues to pass out in between contractions, and apparently had ripped off the mattress at least twice while No.1 fan was talking on the phone…not holding my hands). This time I only used laughing gas…and the breath out twice, breath in once method.
After the hospital stay…I think I pull something inside. The incision site looks fine, but above the incision area, hurt like you put salt on your wound. That and the lack of sleep…
So, this is how much pills I need to take every 4 hours…4 pain killers, one anti-biotic. I always mixed up when I did took what, so now I have to write it down on Don’s peepee poo poo sheet as well….
Filed under: 1
He came out early!! Guess he can’t wait for the planned c-section date. Actually he is about 2 weeks earlier than his due date…
We are still pretty tired but excited. Aidan kept telling me that ..er…baby is crying..may be we should go check?
Filed under: 1
As my c-section date is getting closer, (in exact -10 days) or the fact that I kept reminding myself that my water DID NOT break every 3 hours or so….I am pretty scare.
I did exactly has the best experience last time when I gave birth, in fact I would say it was a really eventful ordeal at my local hospital.
I wanted a natural birth last time, but wasn’t inform of the whole situation of the complication(s). I had a rupture, I asked for med…I really really thought that the OB that I just spent 5 months seeing and building a relationship from would at least come to the hospital and deliver the baby. That was the whole point, wasn’t it? Not that the on-call doctor was less qualify, she was excellent to the point that she summed up the reasons behind the month long bleeding problem everyone at my OB office was too busy to bother to investigate, she ask if I was knew why I was bleeding so much, went outside to read the attached ultrasound report we did a month ago. Came back in before the nurse had even started with the IV and told me that there were minor concern about the placenta. Told me exactly how much chances I had to deliver naturally. Ask me to think about epidermal, came in and check on me every 15 min.
The birth itself, was not as wondrous as people would like to tell you. I remember bits and pieces of it, I think I am mentally blocking it out. I do know for sure that I will NEVER wish to experience it ever again. I booked a c-section, because my new OB support it. Yes I had changed OB as well. I made sure I also meet with her partner, who is also really wonderful and had a positive and caring bed side manner. Unlike the guy who suppose to have been doing this a long time, unhappy for the fact that he got called to the hospital on a Sunday afternoon to check on his partner’s patient and scold at me for not tolerate his way of doing an exam.
When we went to the maternity suite, it was cool for the first few days. Nurses were wonderful and helpful, the lactation specialist drop in occasionally and try to help me. Then after 3 days, when I ask to call someone to help me get up from the bed so I could change Aidan by myself, the pit manager came charging in and yell at me for calling for help….because there are other patients and other nurses not including her was busy. I was crying, unstable, shock and scared. I had every ounce of energy drain out of me. I want to breastfeed because I truly believed that it was the best way for Aidan. I just couldn’t do it. I had an operation, that I didn’t expect would perform. It hurt like hell.
Filed under: 1
This is my 1st mother’s day present….No.1 Fan stood in line for half an hour afterwork today in font of the Japadogs stand.
Filed under: 1
My dear boy has a really weired preference for Grill Cheese. Toast the bread, butter then microwave a slide on one of the pieces…then top it off with the other piece of bread. I try frying it, grilling it in panillni press, no, he still prefer the microwave method.
Filed under: 1
Got up, and went into the dressing room without turning the lights on. I never notice how interesting the lights are when the sun leak through from Aidan’s window. Lights are from behind, with a dressing mirror behind the camera for minimal fill.
The "wings" on my back is actually a clear plastic wrap for our winter blanket, place on top of the dresser blocking the pass through between the dressing room and my bedroom.
Filed under: 1
Once in a while….we will found our four legged friend sitting Homer Simpson style on the sofa, watching TV. It’s almost comical…but for everyone who experience this for the first time, it’s kinda freaky.
