Kjmeow’s Weblog

Yes, it happen eros ago. The catch phase is, it did happen.

I had a ritual, every year I will go on you tube and Wiki and go through all of video and information avalible, try to understand. It happen when I was ten. I was in elementary school, don’t know much about anything..curious about boys, starting to get into books (got my 1st set of novels from my uncle), ten is a such a magic age. You are in grade 5, you wake up, go to school, do your homework, play with your brother and sister or friends. Cartoon and kids show is what you watch or prefer to shown to you on TV,  news and magazine program are suppose to be for grown up only. All the worries and troubles in the world are not suppose to touch you. When you are ten, you are innocent and invincible.

I remember on the night of June 4th, my dad woke me and my sister up. Told us that the tanks and troops had went in to the square, I was not sure if I was suppose to be scare, or sad. I vividly remember seeing my father and mother cried for the first time when they were watching the account of the HK journalist, I remember wearing the piece of black cloth on my arm, something that I had put on a year back when one of my old auntie had passed away. I don’t get most of what was going on at the time. None the less, it changed my life. My parent decided to move to a different country, like most of the middle class family at Hong Kong at the time. I got sent to UK right after, they looked into several different countries and settle on Canada. The rest of my life had took a different course. I met No.1 Fan in Canada, and together throught the blessing of the Lord we join our life together. We had two beautiful childern. The rest is history.

I did not fully gasp the importance when I was Ten, I still have not. I am now 30 years old, I am a mother and this much I am sure; I sadden with the mother who lost their children, who are still living under the watchful eyes, who’s right to grieve have been strip from them. What a world we live in when a mother lost her child but are not allow to grieve, some had not seen their child for 20 years because they had been exiled; while others are still not sure about their child fate after all these years.

When I was reading the paper on line and going through the you tube video today, no.1 fan asked me what is the point of all of these if all it does is bring sorrow and tears. I didn’t reply him, just told him that it was alright, I do this every year. Cry is a good emotion outlet, it’s good for the soul. June 4, there are still lots that I don’t understand, but it doesn’t mean I will forget the raw emotions. I can still feel the raw energy surrounding me while I was sitting in the little corner of Victory Park the day after. It was organic, silent teardrops and apathy appear on people faces. It was such a powerful thing to a ten years old girl, whose childish day are over on that day.

We won’t close our eyes and for sure, I won’t let them fade away.